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January 26, 2020 Alejandro Melgar Leave a comment

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Ol' Dusty Trail • • • I found myself thinkin

Ol' Dusty Trail
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I found myself thinking about my age as of late. A game I played back when I was 16 had a character in his 30's, while his comrades were all much younger than him. He and the main protagonist have a conversation about maturity, in which the protagonist says to him that he is like a dad. The older character, a little down after the compliment, says to him that men think about age at 30 and women think about it at 25. I found the interaction funny, but I kind of get it now.

Most of my life, I have been the rookie, the new guy, the young pup on site, or at least there was someone older than me to keep me in check. Even as a trainer, most of my clients were a few decades older than me, and I am thankful for the privilege of training them, but also of the conversations we had. I must of really been a youth in their eyes as some were like parents to me, either providing advice or providing reassurance on personal issues. Sometimes I wonder if they were teaching me instead of the other way around.

But something I admired about them was their curiosity. I mean, I was much younger than them, but they were ready and willing to receive instruction from me, a pup at life. Ah, but as I have been learning in my own life, everyone has something they can teach you, and everyone has a story to tell. I forget that sometimes.

Now that I am a student again, I feel like an aging hippie, like some war vet that tells stories of a time long lost, while the kids roll their eyes. It is a weird feeling when you relate and resonate more with the teachers than with fellow students. But at the same time, I think of those clients and their willingness and patience. Even now after not seeing them in a year, they still continue to teach me.

Anyway, check out my post in my #linkinbio 🤙 Later on, and much love.

Frost • • • • Frost has formed throughout

Frost
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Frost has formed throughout the window,
Like little white leaves that fell from the snow-covered tree.
A solemn morning, a solemn night,
There is a powerline that can be seen beyond,
Jutting out ever so slightly, showing a path that connects us.

The invisible force that has detained us for so long,
Has given us that path to further connect,
With family, friends, and lovers together,
Gathered, singing, dancing, and sharing,
But that frost only shines if you see,
It.

All this snow, with nobody playing and laughing,
Instead, there are red dots and the sound of pings and whirs,
Those signs that pumps our heads, and sharpen our eyes,
An appetite that cannot be quenched, but could be right outside,
Beyond that frost covered glass.

Shooting the breeze • • • I am such an indoo

Shooting the breeze
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I am such an indoorsy person. I like to be active outside, sure; but going on hikes or anything like that, that was always a once in a while kind of thing for me. But when I was invited out to shoot out by Castle Mountain, I though "F#$% it, why not."

I am glad I did. I follow a couple landscape photographers, and the talent and creativity in capturing the beauty of those areas astounds me. My friend that invited me (who unfortunately doesn't have an insta page to show his photos) showed me his portfolio, and I was in awe as I flipped through the pages. Whether shots in Tasmania, Iceland, or New Zealand; the creativity in capturing the beauty of those locales is inspiring.

I never though about layering exposures, multiple focus points, or super slow shutter speeds either when putting a photo together, so it was a good learning experience. Hope to get back out soon.

Coping Mechanisms • • • I had a class this w

Coping Mechanisms
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I had a class this week that stirred up some feelings for me. I have also had remnants from my past pop up on my insta feed that has triggered memories of a time in my life I wish I could go back to and change. And when those feelings arise, I get a sense of needing something, or doing something to remove those feelings.

I quit drinking a couple months ago, and I did so because I drank a lot. I would go out to bars, restaurants, or other places with a book in hand, and drink away my feelings while getting lost in a book. But most times, that reading was interrupted by conversation, which was the real reason I went out at all: I wanted to talk with someone.

I have shared my feelings regarding intense exercise, or getting lost in passions and sport, and I have done so because I did those things to lose myself and not deal with life. The times I have hit the bag with absolute anger and frustration are too many to count. Or the times I went for a beer, hoping to have a conversation that never came.

2019 was a tough year as that was the one I started drinking again. During my years boxing, I barely drank. Though, that was because I found a different coping method in exercise. Near the end of 2019, I stopped exercising and went out for drinks far more. Mentally, I was unwell, and thinking about that year haunts me everytime I do because of what happened to me.

I know I let a lot of people down, and don't know if I will ever be over it. I thought I might, but those stories/posts on my feed really reminded me that I am not completely.

However, the @cmhanational has been such a learning experience for me, along with the therapy I have been doing. And when my professor said to us to get help, to talk with someone so as not to let those feelings cause distress, I understood. For him to share like he did must of been hard, and I know because even sharing like I am now is also hard as it means I have to look at how I was with honesty. I hope the youth of my class take his lesson to heart. I am much older, but I am learning all the same.

I expanded on this in my #linkinbio , so feel free to give it a read 🤙Much love and take care.

Persevere • • • The holidays are here, and I

Persevere
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The holidays are here, and I find myself in a cloud of wonder. A cloud that says I must become one with the holiday, but I am not one for the consumerist nature that is Christmas, that is in buying drink, food, and things.

With that said, I see a lot of joy and happiness, despite what has been a rough year for so many. Lives lost, and families affected by that loss. And loves born, despite all the trouble in our world. A tough time to bring a little one into our world too, but our perseverance should indicate that a negative future can be avoided with some patience.

It is hard for me to dub 2020 as the worst year ever, for this year brought so much change in my life, so much growth and reflection; an understanding and awareness for who I am, an opportunity to really see my shadow, and the light that causes it. How can I not see that as a win?

Still, my heart is heavy for people hurt at this time; and my happiness surges when people try and make it in these times. It really shows us what people can do under stress, and how we find a way to persevere. And for me, I really do think 2020 was the greatest year of change in my life, and I hope to keep moving forward with an open mind in 2021.

Happy holidays y'all. Thank you for reading my blog that I finally got going this year, which has been therapeutic for me, and has been an opportunity for reflection. I also wrote a quick bit on perseverance, and you can find that by clicking the #linkinbio 👆

Cheers 🤙

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