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February 13, 2020 Alejandro Melgar Leave a comment

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Anger management • • • I used to get angry o

Anger management
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I used to get angry over the smallest things. All the time. I had problems in school growing up, like bullying and stuff at home, but that always made me angry when it happened. I once attacked a peer with a tennis racket in gym class after he and his friends were berating me for whatever reason. I got beat up at home too, and sometimes I think that those times made me think is was OK to do the same. Other times, I held it like a shaken bottle of pop, only expressing my anger in the worst way, like with that tennis racket.
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Point is, I got pissed off, a lot, and I carried a chip on my shoulder for some time because of it. But the anger I held was because I wasn't getting what I wanted, or I wasn't happy about my situation at the time. Maybe the anger I had when I was defending myself in other instances at school were righteous as I was trying to stand up for myself, but is striking someone with a tennis racket, flipping tables, or shouting and screaming at people the way?
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These days, I see anger as a righteous emotion to use when things are all wrong, or to call others out for an injustice. And I get it in most instances, but anger can really get in the way of listening and understanding the plight of another. Anger can really keep you at bay, and scare others from engaging with you, trust me.
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If anything, especially in these trying times, exercise patience, exercise compassion, and exercise curiosity. The anger someone may have might be a cry for help, or a need for an ear.
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I wrote about this, so check out the #linkinbio👆 and let me know what you think. 🤙
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📸 @markagiusphotography

Everyone is right, and everyone is wrong. • •

Everyone is right, and everyone is wrong.
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I didn't know what to expect when I picked up 'Lulluby' by Chuck Palahniuk. With so many events going on right now, and the polarizing environment that has befallen social media, I was looking for a break from all that. I wanted something relaxed, maybe romantic. Well, let me tell you that this book is certainly romantic, but maybe not in the way you think.
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Lullaby provides an interesting response to current events, and that message can vary depending on your lifestyle and view of the world.
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All manner of people have different points of view, and that is what is exciting about talking to people. And the thing is nobody is going to think exactly as you do. Difference is good, and all it does is help us understand this world a little bit better than before. It is important to listen, and I mean really listen to people. You may after all realize you are very much the same.
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I wrote a little review about Lullaby, and you can find it if you click the photo of this post in the #linkinbio👆 , along with my other posts. Cheers 🤙

Good times all around • • • These past few w

Good times all around
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These past few weeks have been great. I have been connecting with friends I had not seen in a while, and I've been enjoying the conversations that go with them, including with @markagiusphotography

Good times on this day, looking forward to the next one 🤙

Look inside • • • • Years ago, a former c

Look inside
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Years ago, a former client offered to buy and pick out some clothes for me. She is a stylist, so I trusted her and agreed.
As she was showing me what she had bought, she took out a shirt she really liked. I tried it on, and I was indifferent about it. I think she noticed I wasn’t acting as she expected and asked if I liked it. I said I did, how could I not. I was taught to accept a gift, even if you may not like it that much. She said style is important to defining your true self, and that she wouldn’t be offended if what she had selected wasn’t me in my truest sense. I still said I liked it. Present day, I have worn it three times. 😅, now it is a reminder to speak honestly.

What I am driving at is our ability to be honest in both our choices and convictions, but also in ourselves, our feelings and our reactions. Maybe something feels off, or maybe something bothered you in some way, which might cause one to step away and ask for space or silence. However, there is always something more to it, especially since fear can be so nuanced these days, that what was a tiger could now be a person’s face and their reaction.

Trauma and other things can really sink deep, and as such, can permeate how we feel or think. When your body wants to react, flee or fight, maybe stop and ask why. For example, I used to ask questions to clients that want to lose weight, like:

“Why the 10 pounds?”

“What is significant about achieving this weight?”

“What will change in your life as a result of the weight loss?”

And so on. I think this can apply to friends and loved ones. If your body is telling you something, well, you gotta ask questions, because the body will either fight or flee, like any response to fear or uncomfort. I am still learning here, but I have to stop and pause for a moment before I make declarations, or think the worst of someone or a situation. And part of the reason I have the feelings I do in those instances is because I have all kinds of stuff from my past that has left me beaten up mentally, but I am now hanging on the ropes at least.
Reflection when a challenge comes your way, could be scary, but rewarding 🤙

What is a man? • • • I used to live in fear

What is a man?
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I used to live in fear of being a man. Yet at the same time, I felt I was above the horrid stories of men being sexual assailants, bigots, and abusers of women. I thought I was the righteous good man in comparison.

But I took that idea too far as I started to think that anything could be viewed negatively, and I would very rarely get into a relationship with women. I had a self-destructive relationship with women, and I have caused a lot of duress and problems because if it.

Lately, I have come to terms with manhood and my relationships with women, because being human is the only requirement to acceptance, not whether I am masculine to the tee.

Speaking of masculinity, I think as a society, we have been changing what that even means, same with femininity, since the pressures to hold those ideas in the air are fading. I think it is a good thing since it invites inclusivity. However, with the way women and men are marketed to, and the pressures to adhere to a standard of beauty, and entitlement that comes from being a man, it seems there is much to learn and talk about still.

I wrote a personal piece, and I invite you to give it a read. Any feedback and dialogue is always welcome. Check the #linkinbio 👆

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